Emotional Violence.
Typically the first step in coercing your partner. Emotional violence may be a bit more subtle or direct, with the intent to control your partner through her emotions.
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Violating Your Partner's Space
Violating Your Partner's Resources
Violating Your Partner by Using Your Self
Violating Your Partner by Defining "What is True”
Violating Your Partner by Defining Her Reality
Violating Your Partner by Assigning Responsibility (Blaming)
Violating Your Partner by Assigning Status (Judging)
- Monopolizing shared space, for example, playing loud music when your partner is reading
- Invading your partner's quite time, for example, talking to her when she wants to be alone
- Disregarding your partner's privacy, for example, opening her mail
- Prohibiting your partner's social contact; for example, no contact with friends
- Ignoring boundaries, for example, being affectionate when she said no
- Interrupting her sentences or her activities
- Always haying to have the last word in a discussion or argument
- Eloquenting, for example, using elaborate arguments to wear your partner down in a discussion
- Being silent or ignoring your partner
- Interrupting your partner's sleep
- Interrupting your partner's eating
- Pressuring your partner to have sex
- Erosion of your partner’s spirit
- Removing the door to your partner's room
Violating Your Partner's Resources
- Withholding information from you partner
- Withholding financial information from you partner
- Withholding paychecks or other money
- Monopolizing the checkbook
- Monopolizing the car keys
- Monopolizing house/hotel keys
- Monopolizing the TV or other household equipment
- Withholding work that was promised, for example, delaying start-ups and completions
- Withholding child care/visitation, for example, last minute pickup, cancellations
- Taking away the children
- Having an affair
Violating Your Partner by Using Your Self
- Sulking
- Refusing to talk
- Withdrawing affection
- Withdrawing sex
- Blocking efforts to mediate
- Blocking efforts to negotiate
- Walking away
- Having an affair
- Leaving the relationship
- Leaving the marriage
- Taking away children
Violating Your Partner by Defining "What is True”
- Being right about what was said, for example, “That's not what you said.”
- Being right about what was done, for example, “That's not what you did.”
- Being right about what happened, for example, “That's not what happened.”
- Being right about what was seen, for example, “That's not what you saw."
- Being right about others experience, for example, “That's not what you felt.“
- Warping reality, for example, “I know I said it, but it's not true.”
- Demanding agreement
- Defining the truth, for example, “You don't know what you're talking about.”
Violating Your Partner by Defining Her Reality
- Defining why she did or said something, for example, “You did that to make me mad.“
- Defining why your partner does things, for example, “You are not mad at me, you are just.-."
Violating Your Partner by Assigning Responsibility (Blaming)
- Blaming something else for what you say, for example, “I just said it because you made me mad."
- Blaming something else for what you do
- Blaming something else for what you feel
Violating Your Partner by Assigning Status (Judging)
- Putting people down, for example, “You're the worst mother. You're a lousy driver.”
- Putting people up, for example, “You're the expert at changing diapers."
- Sentencing, for example, “You are wrong/right for ..."
- Categorizing, for example, “Women are all the same.”
- Characterization, for example, “You're just like your mother!”