Emotional Violence.

Typically the first step in coercing your partner. Emotional violence may be a bit more subtle or direct, with the intent to control your partner through her emotions.

Violating Your Partner's Space

• Monopolizing shared space, for example, playing loud music when your partner is reading
• Invading your partner's quite time, for example, talking to her when she wants to be alone
• Disregarding your partner's privacy, for example, opening her mail
• Prohibiting your partner's social contact; for example, no contact with friends
• Ignoring boundaries, for example, being affectionate when she said no
• Interrupting her sentences or her activities
• Always haying to have the last word in a discussion or argument
• Eloquenting, for example, using elaborate arguments to wear your partner down in a discussion
• Being silent or ignoring your partner
• Interrupting your partner's sleep
• Interrupting your partner's eating
• Pressuring your partner to have sex
• Erosion of your partner’s spirit
• Removing the door to your partner's room

 
Violating Your Partner's Resources

• Withholding information from you partner
• Withholding financial information from you partner
• Withholding paychecks or other money
• Monopolizing the checkbook
• Monopolizing the car keys
• Monopolizing house/hotel keys
• Monopolizing the TV or other household equipment
• Withholding work that was promised, for example, delaying start-ups and completions
• Withholding child care/visitation, for example, last minute pickup, cancellations
• Taking away the children
• Having an affair

 
Violating Your Partner by Using Your Self

• Sulking
• Refusing to talk
• Withdrawing affection
• Withdrawing sex
• Blocking efforts to mediate
• Blocking efforts to negotiate
• Walking away
• Having an affair
• Leaving the relationship
• Leaving the marriage
• Taking away children

 
Violating Your Partner by Defining "What is True”

• Being right about what was said, for example, “That's not what you said.”
• Being right about what was done, for example, “That's not what you did.”
• Being right about what happened, for example, “That's not what happened.”
• Being right about what was seen, for example, “That's not what you saw."
• Being right about others experience, for example, “That's not what you felt.“
• Warping reality, for example, “I know I said it, but it's not true.”
• Demanding agreement
• Defining the truth, for example, “You don't know what you're talking about.”

 
Violating Your Partner by Defining Her Reality

• Defining why she did or said something, for example, “You did that to make me mad.“
• Defining why your partner does things, for example, “You are not mad at me, you are just.-."

 
Violating Your Partner by Assigning Responsibility (Blaming)

• Blaming something else for what you say, for example, “I just said it because you made me mad."
• Blaming something else for what you do
• Blaming something else for what you feel

 
Violating Your Partner by Assigning Status (Judging)

• Putting people down, for example, “You're the worst mother. You're a lousy driver.”
• Putting people up, for example, “You're the expert at changing diapers."
• Sentencing, for example, “You are wrong/right for ..."
• Categorizing, for example, “Women are all the same.”
• Characterization, for example, “You're just like your mother!”